


Even In Your Darkest Hour

by mistynights



Series: Bakoda Fleet Week 2020 [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Sharing a Bed, i think, it's not that angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:41:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25554496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistynights/pseuds/mistynights
Summary: After Kya's death, Bato is by Hakoda's side, picking up the pieces of his life.
Relationships: Bato/Hakoda (Avatar)
Series: Bakoda Fleet Week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1851787
Comments: 26
Kudos: 96
Collections: Bakoda Fleet Week 2020





	Even In Your Darkest Hour

**Author's Note:**

> Bakoda Fleet Week day one. Prompt was **modern au / with kids** and this kinda works for either. Starting the week strong with some good old angst while everyone else is putting out cute, beautiful fics. Oh, well. I want to say it's not that bad, but at this point I'm kinda desynthesized to angst so I'm not a very good judge for that. My first attempt at this was even sadder, so I scratched it and wrote this one instead, which at least has a happy ending XD
> 
> Title is from I Went to Hell Last Night by MIKA

[1]

His phone rings at three o'clock one night. The caller ID flashes Hakoda's name urgently. When Bato picks up, there's a wave of pain that travels through the line in the shake of Hakoda's voice.

"Please," he says. "I need you."

They haven't talked much in some years. Not since Hakoda, Kya and the kids left for the Northern tribe to find Katara a master waterbender. They left and Bato stayed, taking his boat out into the water every day to catch fish for the village. Bato stayed and made a life for himself. A routine, more like, but still; he found a way to pass his days and be of help to those he lives with.

It's presumptuous, really, of Hakoda to believe Bato will drop everything and run towards him. Bato has a life here, a job, a purpose. And yet, the moment Hakoda says _Bato, please_ again, voice trembling in between hushed sobs, Bato is up and buying a ticket North due that morning.

***

[2]

The sickness, the doctors explain, came in too fast for anyone to react and took Kya in less than a week. It almost took Katara, too, but children tend to be more resistant to illnesses than adults.

Bato listens to their words and nods, but his mind is busy rushing through possible courses of action. He meets with Hakoda and the kids outside the hospital and tries not to flinch at Hakoda's vacant stare. The ride to their rented house is silent, charged with the accumulated grief and quiet sobs.

The kids go to their room as soon as they arrive and Bato lets them. Hakoda doesn't notice them as he lets himself fall on the couch. He looks defeated and oh, so small, that Bato's already bruised heart cracks a little for him.

"Let me take you home," is all Bato can think to say as he kneels in front of his dearest friend and tries to find a spark of life in his eyes. There isn't or, if there is, it's small enough that Bato can't see it. Hakoda nods only once before crumpling forward into Bato's arms. The feeling of Hakoda's shuddering breaths as he cries will hunt Bato for months to come.

***

[3]

Once upon a time, Kya was one of Bato's greatest friends, after Hakoda, of course. Waving the two of them goodbye as they prepared to embark for their flight to the North had been almost impossible to process for Bato. They had been his closest friends for so long that he couldn't fathom losing them both at the same time.

Now, with Kya's death, Bato doesn't know how to deal with the hollow feeling that carves its way between his ribs. Because he loved her, yes, would have died for her, but not in the way Hakoda and the kids did.

His heart clenches at the thought of Kya, at never actually getting to say goodbye to her and he knows he’ll forever miss her. But he doesn’t know how to mourn her when he has to help Hakoda and his children, doesn’t think he _deserves_ to mourn her when they all have better reasons to do so than him.

***

[4]

Bato goes back in the morning and finds Katara curled up on the sofa, Sokka’s arms around her. There’s no sign of Hakoda, though it’s past the time for breakfast. Sokka shakes his head when Bato asks him if they’ve eaten. Their dad, he says, hasn’t woken up yet. Bato frowns, goes into Hakoda’s room, sighs when he sees him in the same position Bato left him in the night before.

“It’s so cold,” Hakoda says when Bato sits next to him on the bed. Somehow, Bato doesn’t think he’s referring to the South Pole in general, but something else, something deeper that comes from within him.

Bato takes care of the children throughout the day, keeps them fed and entertained. He tries to do so with Hakoda, too, but Hakoda’s eyes have gone hazy and he doesn’t answer when he’s spoken to. Calling for a doctor would be a good idea, but Bato has a feeling of what they might say. Hakoda is grieving, in the middle of realizing and processing what has just happened. Time will help, or so Bato hopes.

That evening, he puts the kids to bed. He tells them a story he knows to help them fall asleep, lets them hug him goodnight, wipes the fresh tears that fall from their eyes. Once they’ve settled under the covers on their beds, he goes to check on Hakoda too.

“I’ll be back in the morning,” Bato says. Hakoda’s eyes widen with some unrecognizable emotion.

“Don’t go,” he whispers, a hand coming to grasp Bato’s wrist. And really, who is he to fight against that look on Hakoda’s face—he thinks that emotion might be fear—, who is he to refuse?

Hakoda tugs on his hand and Bato, understanding, slips under the covers with him. He wakes up hours later, Hakoda’s body nestled against his.

***

[5]

He makes a new routine that revolves around Hakoda’s family. He spends most of his days there, taking care of them, leaving only in the early morning when he has to fish, not on his boat like before—too risky, he _needs_ to be able to return safe and sound every day for their sake, not his—but through a hole on the ice. It’s odd, at first, used as he is to the movement of the sea under his boat, but one learns to adapt when living in the Pole, so he adapts.

The rest of the day he spends at the house, attention fixed on the kids—Spirits, he sometimes wishes he knew exactly what to do to help them. And in the evenings, after the kids have gone to sleep, he slips into Hakoda’s bed and holds him through the night.

***

[6]

Hakoda kisses him one evening. The kids are already asleep and the two of them have been talking in bed about fishing and the weather; nothing important—honestly, Bato is just happy they are talking at all, after several months of silence. Then Hakoda surges forward and crashes their lips together, harsh and desperate.

For a few seconds, a glorious handful of seconds, Bato's heart _soars_. He closes his eyes, lets the feeling of Hakoda's lips on his envelope him completely. He doesn't think he's ever wanted anything as bad as for this moment to last forever. But then one of Hakoda's hands inches its way under his shirt and, with it, reality comes crashing down like a bucket of ice. Though nothing pains him more, Bato pulls away.

"I can't," he says when Hakoda makes a wounded noise.

"Please. I need-" Hakoda scoots closer again, eyes wide "-I need to feel something. Anything. Please."

He's doing that thing he does, where he pleads for something and all of Bato's defenses begin to crumble under the intensity of his eyes. And this time, too, they'll crumble, they both know it, unless Bato puts a stop to it soon.

"I can't," he repeats, trying to put some strength into his voice. "Not like this. Please, Koda, I can't."

The thing is, Bato would do anything for Hakoda. That's how it's always been, how it'll always be. Bato has known this to be truth since they were children and has accepted that reality with grace. But his heart is fragile and caring for a friend while silently mourning for another has taken a toll on it. And he knows, if he does this, if he lets the feeling of Hakoda against him drown him, his heart will shatter for good; and what will become of Hakoda and the kids, then?

Hakoda holds his gaze for a second before curling against his chest. A sob escapes him and Bato has to bite his tongue to keep himself from backtracking and letting him do what he wishes. Instead, he hugs Hakoda and hopes he'll find another way to crawl out of the darkness that has covered him.

In the morning, Hakoda gives him a lengthy apology. It's the most he's spoken in a while and Bato would be happier if it weren't all so heartbreaking. He ends his apology saying that Bato can go, if Hakoda's damaged their friendship beyond repair.

Bato doesn't know how to voice all the feelings inside him, so he hugs Hakoda tight and says, "I'm not going anywhere."

That evening, Hakoda is hesitant to share his bed, tries to convince Bato to take it for himself. He finally relents when Bato puts a hand on his shoulder.

"Really," Bato whispers, "it's nothing."

And though that's one of the greatest lies Bato has ever said, he manages to sound serene enough to reassure Hakoda's worries. He just hopes he won't come to regret this in the future.

***

[7]

Bato can’t say when his feelings for Hakoda became what they are nowadays. In a way, they have and haven’t always been like that. He’s loved Hakoda since they were young, of that there’s no denying. It’s just that one day he opened his eyes and realized _oh, this is different_. As far as Bato can tell, one moment he knew he loved Hakoda, and the next he knew he was _in love_ with him. All in all, quite an anticlimactic revelation.

Nothing major ever changed afterwards. Not in any life-altering way, at least. Hakoda and Kya had always had a spark between them and their relationship seemed inevitable. Bato was never really heartbroken about it because he’d been expecting it. And so he’d celebrated their dating and their marriage and their children, and let life follow its proper course around him.

All this to say, it would have been selfish to let Hakoda finish what he’d tried to start that night. Bato doesn’t regret rejecting him. His mind whirls, yes, around possible scenarios and alternate endings to that night, but he doesn’t regret it. And if his thoughts linger around the memory of Hakoda’s lips, well, then that’s Bato’s problem and no one else’s.

***

[8]

The kids slowly begin to heal. They aren’t fine, not by any means, but they’re doing better. They sometimes go out with Bato when he goes fishing, ask him to teach them his work. Katara starts waterbending again and, though her training is incomplete, Bato can see she’ll be a powerful bender one day.

Hakoda is another story. He talks more and even leaves his room every once in a while, but Bato can see in his eyes that he’s not really there most of the time, but locked inside his own thoughts. Sometimes, Bato fears Hakoda won’t find his way back out from his mind.

***

[9]

Hakoda leaves the house six months after Kya’s death. Bato is fishing just outside the village and for a second he thinks he’s hallucinating when he sees Hakoda’s form walk towards him. Katara, who’s been practicing her waterbending next to him, spots her dad too and runs towards him. Bato feels a smile spread on his face when Hakoda doesn’t hesitate to pick her up and twirl her around, despite the tired look on his face.

Afterwards, when Sokka comes to drag Katara off on an adventure, Hakoda sits next to Bato. They don’t say much, but Hakoda leans his head against Bato’s shoulder and lets his eyes flutter closed, and Bato feels like this is progress.

***

[10]

Slowly, Hakoda starts acting a bit more like his old self. He cooks some nights, reads to the kids, goes out fishing with Bato. He even finds a waterbending master willing to give Katara online lessons— _you told your mom to threaten her ex, didn’t you?_ —so she’ll be able to continue her studies. Bato watches as all of this happens with a smile on his face. And though he’s happy that Hakoda is doing better, there’s a tiny part of him that’s afraid as well. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up only to see Hakoda crash again.

“I think I would have died without you,” Hakoda whispers one night just as Bato’s drifting off to sleep. Words die in his mouth when he tries to reply, so instead he hugs Hakoda tighter and tries not to think of what if’s.

***

[11]

Hakoda kisses him again some months later.

They’re sitting in the living room while the TV plays an old movie, not that either of them is really paying attention. Hakoda’s telling a story of his youth, and though Bato has heard it before, he doesn’t interrupt. He likes the sound of Hakoda’s voice, likes being able to hear the happiness in his tone. Halfway through the story, though, Hakoda stops, turns to look at him with serious eyes. Despite himself, Bato frowns in concern, mind rushing to all the quiet days right after Kya’s death.

Hakoda clears his throat.

“I’m sorry about that time,” he says and somehow Bato knows that he’s referring to the kiss, all those months ago.

“It’s alright. I told you this already.” Hakoda’s brow furrows at his words.

“It’s not that,” he says after a second. “I’m sorry I didn’t give you a choice in the matter. I never apologized for that.”

“You sound like—” Bato starts but bites his tongue when he catches on to what he was about to say. Hakoda gives him a sad smile, but unlike all those times months ago, his eyes remain clear, focused.

“Yes. She would have been disappointed I treated you like that.” He pauses for a minute, face twisting in that way it does when he’s thinking hard about something. Then he says, voice a little bit wobbly, “you said you couldn’t, that day. If I were— if I asked now, would you— would you say yes?”

Bato looks at him for a long time before Hakoda’s words fully register in his mind. “I think—yes, I think I would.”

Hakoda leans up until their mouths are a breath away.

“Can I kiss you?” Hakoda asks and Bato whispers _yes_ before closing the gap between them himself.

Things don’t miraculously become perfect afterwards. They both have much going on inside them and a kiss, Bato knows, isn’t going to fix it all. But now at least they know they’ll have each other through it all. And really, that’s all Bato can ask for.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr [here](https://misty--nights.tumblr.com/)


End file.
